Finding the Way Back

The whole idea of Mormonism is improvement—mentally, physically, morally and spiritually. No half-way education suffices for the Latter-day Saint. - Lorenzo Snow

Can Ye Feel So Now?

Can Ye Feel So Now? - Quentin L. Cook

"While anything that lessens commitment is of consequence, two relevant challenges are both prevalent and significant. The first is unkindness, violence, and domestic abuse. The second is sexual immorality and impure thoughts. These often precede and are at the root of the choice to be less committed.
How we treat those closest to us is of fundamental importance. Violence, abuse, lack of civility, and disrespect in the home are not acceptable—not acceptable for adults and not acceptable for the rising generation. My father was not active in the Church but was a remarkably good example, especially in his treatment of my mother. He used to say, “God will hold men responsible for every tear they cause their wives to shed.” This same concept is emphasized in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” It reads, “[Those] who abuse spouse or offspring … will one day stand accountable before God.” Regardless of the culture in which we are raised, and whether our parents did or did not abuse us, we must not physically, emotionally, or verbally abuse anyone else.
The need for civility in society has never been more important. The foundation of kindness and civility begins in our homes. It is not surprising that our public discourse has declined in equal measure with the breakdown of the family. The family is the foundation for love and for maintaining spirituality. The family promotes an atmosphere where religious observance can flourish. There is indeed “beauty all around when there’s love at home.”"

I was impressed that Elder Cook considers unkindness to be similar in importance to violence and abuse. I do feel that kindness and civility are forgotten virtues in the world these days, and also are sometimes lacking in our home. This is something that I have been hoping to improve in our family.

I recently found a book on parenting that I really like called Positive Discipline. It suggests that once a week at a family meeting, each person in the family give every other person a sincere compliment. We have tried that for a couple of weeks and the kids seem to really enjoy it. I hope this small habit can help kindness become easier for all of us.

Greener

Work

"And they began to be a very industrious people (1) ...and rather than spend their days in idleness they would labor abundantly with their hands. (2)"

I've been reading about the conversion of the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's and I found it interesting that their conversion led them to work more. The gospel demands action; salvation is not passive. I've found that when I am close to the Spirit I am more motivated and productive.

Alma 18:10

"Now when king Lamoni heard that Ammon was preparing his horses and his achariots he was more astonished, because of the faithfulness of Ammon, saying: Surely there has not been any servant among all my servants that has been so faithful as this man; for even he doth remember all my commandments to execute them." - Alma 18:10

I've had this experience of astonishment/amazement a few times. I am so proud when my kids remember to use their manners. I was so impressed when my husband remembered something little I said when we first started dating. The Book of Mormon frequently warns that we must remember. I feel like there are so many things that I need to do each day, it is hard to remember what I should be doing when and what are the most important things I should be focusing on. How can we remember all these things? Later in the chapter, Alma states that "a portion of [the] Spirit dwelleth in me." (Alma 18:35)  John said that the Holy Ghost will "bring all things to your rememberance." (John 14:26)  I know that as I make the effort to pray and read my scriptures daily, I do have the Spirit with me, so I can remember all these things.

Alma 17:11-12

"And the Lord said unto them also: Go forth among the Lamanites, thy brethren, and establish my word; yet ye shall be patient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good examples unto them in me, and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls.
And it came to pass that the hearts of the sons of Mosiah, and also those who were with them, took courage to go forth unto the Lamanites to declare unto them the word of God." - Alma 17:11-12

I imagine the Lord might have said something similar to each of us before we came to earth. There are many trials and obstacles for each of us to overcome, but the blessings we receive will make it all worth it.

I feel like there were two ways that the sons of Mosiah could have responded to this message. They could have focused on the afflictions that they would face and become discouraged, or even given up. Instead, they took courage in the fact that they would be able to serve others and save souls.

Every day, this is a decision that I have to make. As a parent, I have plenty of opportunities to practice patience and long-suffering. I hope that I can be a good example to my children so that they will be able to learn the gospel and we can be a forever family.

Scripture Power

Scripture power keeps me safe from sin.
Scipture power is the power to win.
Scripture power! Ev'ry day I need
The power that I get each time I read.

I thought this video was so cute. I have loved this song since it was introduced in Primary a few years ago. The scriptures really do bring such power to my life. I can tell the difference in my home when I take time to read the scriptures regularly. The Spirit is there and everything goes more smoothly. I need all the scripture power I can get!

Gratitude

I've being thinking a lot about gratitude lately . I am planning on finding my gratitude journal and starting writing in it again. I know I am much happier when I spend time thinking about the things that I have instead of focusing on what I lack.

Do I have it all? No, but I have enough!

I absolutely loved this article (What My Son's Disabilities Taught Me About 'Having It All'), so much so that I'm going to copy it in its entirety here. Although I don't have near the challenges as this woman, at times I tend to get whiny about little issues instead of appreciating what I do have.

As someone in her 40s, unequivocally in middle age, I find myself and my friends in that stage of life that seems to auger constant assessment -- am I happy? Am I doing the right thing with my life?

Evidenced by the number of times Anne-Marie Slaughter's Atlanticpiece "Why Women Still Can't Have It All" was posted on Facebook, it served as a cri de coeur of the collective unconscious of those of us swimming in the Gen X/Baby Boomer estuary, last stop before becoming truly elderly. (It's apparently also the most-read article in the magazine's 155-year history.) Slaughter rightly questions why having a family complicates the career ladder for women in a way that it does not for men. But the hidden heart of the article, I believe, is its hinting at that unspoken yearning for that perfect life that has been promised to us by ... someone? Ads? TV? Ms. Magazine? Those ATHLETA catalogs?

Let me compare and contrast that with a typical incident that happened just last week in my own 40-something working mother life. My husband and I were sitting in the office of a neuropsychologist who had just run an assessment on our 12-year-old son who has a variety of disabilities and medical problems.

I nodded."You know cognitively, he's functioning at the bottom 1 percent of children his age," he said.

"That means 99 percent of children are doing better than he is."

I nodded again. (Yes, I can do the math.)

He waited, seemingly perplexed. "Having seen what I saw, and of course you have to be with your son all the time -- I have to ask you, how do you have the patience?"

I looked at him. He's my son. It was so obvious, I did not say it.

"I mean, really. How do you do it?" He looked to my husband, who gave him the same look. He tried a different tack: "Well, with all this stress, how are you two doing?"

"Fine," we said, and meant it. He handed us the thick report, still shaking his head.

This is, sadly, a very typical exchange, not just with the experts in our lives, but even close friends: How do we stand our hellish life with a child who functions at 1 percent and starts to bite and hit when he is in situations he doesn't understand -- often, multiple times a day? Once, watching our son having a hard time, a friend even blurted, "I'm so glad this didn't happen to us!"

While our friends worry about the quality of middle schools, our parental duties include bringing our son to the ER to get stitches after he puts his head through a window, then arranging for a window replacement and for a special treatment for all the glass in our house so it won't shatter -- at a pretty penny. Other friends declare, "I couldn't do what you do." If I am to conform to their expectations, I'm not sure what I am supposed to do: Beat my son? Kill myself? (Sadly, parents with kids like my son have done exactly that.)

Maybe it's my Buddhist outlook, but I'm not consumed with worry and frenzy and despair like I'm "supposed" to be. I don't enjoy that my 12-year-old son is still in diapers and sometimes purposely makes a mess in the bathroom. Or that he dumped his Thanksgiving dinner on my sister-in-law's pregnant belly. Or that he screams in the parking lot of Whole Foods until people call the cops on us. On the other hand, he is my son, and he is what I have. And he has a nice smile.

When I look at friends and acquaintances, many with perfectly beautiful children and wonderful lives, and see how desperately unhappy or stressed they are about balancing work and family, I think to myself that the solution to many problems is deceptively obvious. We are chasing the wrong things, asking ourselves the wrong questions. It is not, "Can we have it all?" -- with "all" being some kind of undefined marker that shall forever be moved upwards out of reach just a little bit with each new blessing. We should ask instead, "Do we have enough?"

The New York Times' travel section had a piece on Providence, Rhode Island, where we live. It mentioned that our city is extremely affordable, but filled with many fun and interesting things to do, such as going to Venda Ravioli on Federal Hill (Providence's version of Little Italy) and procuring amazing hand-made ravioli filled with anything from homemade ricotta cheese to lobster. It's something our friends do all the time: visit the quaint neighborhood, walk around with an Italian ice, and pick up dinner. Our son has digestive problems and can't eat wheat or dairy, and much of his food has to be soaked and fermented beforehand. In addition, he has a hard time enduring crowds in small spaces. Ergo, despite our 15 years here, we have never been to Venda Ravioli, and probably never will.

Do I sit at home stewing over being denied a Venda Ravioli night? Not any more than I sit stewing that I'll probably never get to experience space tourism. And it's not that I go through my life like the implacable Buddha, always in the present, dealing with what needs to be dealt with in a state of serenity and calm. My life -- obviously -- has many frustrations and disappointments (our son poured out his vegetable juice on our wooden table this morning). But one thing I've learned is that the minute I start fixating on what I don't have -- time, money, a child I can send to camp for the summer, central air conditioning -- I just feel that much hotter and put-upon, and those bad feelings seem to attract extra obstructions to my day.

Another instructive moment: while packing for our upcoming move to New York City, we are in the process showing our house for rental (again: "How can you handle the stress?"), and the ramping-up of our culture's "have-it-all" standards are exemplified in our 1969 GE Hotpoint stove. My husband and I make three meals a day from scratch on that trusty workhorse. A decade ago, we easily rented our house out when we went on sabbatical. 

Now, despite beautifully redone bathrooms and yard, and EPA-approved lead abatement for families with children, our realtor tells us we have a problem: the stove. It has to go, he tells us. Not because it doesn't work -- it still works great -- but because people "expect" certain things. My husband and I were aghast as we pondered a major stove upgrade, but then we recalled acquaintances with gorgeous Viking stoves that sit unbesmirched by actual cooking, almost as if the stainless professional-quality stove is more prop than appliance, a requirement for kitchen happiness in the modern world. To look at our house, then, is to see the glaring absence of a Viking in our kitchen.

When people ask, "How are you not exploding with stress with everything on your plate?", I know they only mean it in the best, most compassionate way. And for those who have beautiful healthy children and gleaming new stoves, I do not discount their heartaches and worries and crises. But what bothers me is the implicit expectation: that people are waiting for our inevitable breakdown, a breast-beating howl against fate that is sure to come once we realize we'll truly never "have it all" -- because of our imperfect son.

For all the people who are puzzled by my seeming happiness, I'll be glad to let them know my "secret." I'm not in denial, I'm not on antidepressants, and I don't live in a fantasy world. I have a wonderful husband and I am pursuing a career I've dreamed of since I was nine years old. I have a beautiful son, friends, and a working stove. I am not paraplegic. I have parents who, through luck and fate, had me here in the United States, and not in North Korea. I live in a time where my awful vision can be corrected with glasses. I am a college graduate. I am never hungry unless I choose to be.

Do I have enough? Resoundingly: yes. And I ask you to take a moment: I suspect you might, too.

Enos 1:5-6

And there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed. And I, Enos, knew that God acould not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away. (link)

I know that when we repent of our sins, God will forgive us and take our guilt away. I am so thankful to have felt that assurance through the Holy Ghost when I repent. Repentance is such a blessing.

Unspotted from the World

I was inspired by this article in the July 2012 Enisgn. Julie Thompson describes her experience when she was assigned to help clean the temple.

"Our group was led to a small chapel for a devotional. The custodian who conducted the devotional said something that will forever change the way I look at temple cleaning assignments. After welcoming us, he proceeded to explain that we were not there to clean things that didn’t need cleaning but to keep the Lord’s house from ever becoming dirty. As stewards of one of the most sacred places on earth, we had a responsibility to keep it spotless.

That night in the temple, I studied the paintbrush in my hand and asked myself, “What are the little crevices in my life that need more attention?” I resolved that rather than plan to repeatedly clean the areas of my life that needed attention, I would try harder never to let them become dirty."

I love the shift in focus from cleaning up after our mistakes to keeping ourselves from becoming dirty. All those little things like prayer, scripture study, and FHE need to be consistent so that we can keep ourselves unspotted from the world.

Teachings of Jacob

But behold, my brethren, is it expedient that I should awake you to an awful reality of these things? Would I harrow up your souls if your minds were pure? Would I be plain unto you according to the plainness of the truth if ye were freed from sin? ...Come, my brethren, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters; and he that hath no money, come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and without price. - 2 Nephi 9:47, 50

I've had this thought before, but reading these words from Jacob really struck me today. Our God is not an angry God. Although sometimes we need to be called to repentance, this call is really a gentle invitation to come and partake of all the good that is available to us. I know that repentance does bring the "peace that passeth all understanding." (Phil. 4:7)

Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life. - 2 Nephi 10:23

It is truly a blessing that we are able to choose for ourselves. We are free to choose the path that will lead to happiness.

In the Arms of His Love

"Some years ago in the Salt Lake Tabernacle, Elder Marion D. Hanks conducted a panel discussion. Included in that panel was an attractive and able young woman, divorced, the mother of seven children then ranging in ages from 7 to 16. She said that one evening she went across the street to deliver something to a neighbor. Listen to her words, as I recall them:
“As I turned around to walk back home, I could see my house lighted up. I could hear echoes of my children as I had walked out of the door a few minutes earlier. They were saying: ‘Mom, what are we going to have for dinner?’ ‘Can you take me to the library?’ ‘I have to get some poster paper tonight.’ Tired and weary, I looked at that house and saw the light on in each of the rooms. I thought of all of those children who were home waiting for me to come and meet their needs. My burdens felt heavier than I could bear.
“I remember looking through tears toward the sky, and I said, ‘Dear Father, I just can’t do it tonight. I’m too tired. I can’t face it. I can’t go home and take care of all those children alone. Could I just come to You and stay with You for just one night? I’ll come back in the morning.’
“I didn’t really hear the words of reply, but I heard them in my mind. The answer was: ‘No, little one, you can’t come to me now. You would never wish to come back. But I can come to you.’”"

This story was in this talk in the most recent General Conference, but I also remember hearing the story when it was originally told in 2006 by President Hinckley. This story is so comforting to me. Of course, I am not a single mom, but I think we all have times where we feel alone and overwhelmed. I need to be better about inviting Heavenly Father into my life so I can feel His love and support for me. I know that when I do make the effort, He is always there for me.

The Laborers in the Vineyard

The Laborers in the Vineyard - Jeffery R. Holland

"We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those."

My five year old is having a hard time lately not being the best at everything all the time. This is a great reminder about what is really important in life.

Converted to His Gospel through His Church

Converted to His Gospel through His Church - Donald L. Hallstrom

"Some have come to think of activity in the Church as the ultimate goal. Therein lies a danger. It is possible to be active in the Church and less active in the gospel. Let me stress: activity in the Church is a highly desirable goal; however, it is insufficient. Activity in the Church is an outward indication of our spiritual desire. If we attend our meetings, hold and fulfill Church responsibilities, and serve others, it is publicly observed.
By contrast, the things of the gospel are usually less visible and more difficult to measure, but they are of greater eternal importance. For example, how much faith do we really have? How repentant are we? How meaningful are the ordinances in our lives? How focused are we on our covenants?
I repeat: we need the gospel and the Church. In fact, the purpose of the Church is to help us live the gospel."

This is something I have been struggling with a bit lately. I have a new calling that takes up a good amount of time and energy, but I haven't been making a lot of time for my personal scripture study.

The three suggestions to combat this problem are:

1. Deepen our understanding of Deity. 
2. Focus on the ordinances and covenants.
3. Unite the gospel with the Church.


I hope that I can strengthen my personal testimony so that I can share it with those around me.

And a Little Child Shall Lead Them

And a Little Child Shall Lead Them - Boyd K. Packer

"One of the great discoveries of parenthood is that we learn far more about what really matters from our children than we ever did from our parents. We come to recognize the truth in Isaiah’s prophecy that “a little child shall lead them.” ”

I have definitely found this to be true. I learned a lot from my parents, but my children are helping me to learn, grow, and develop so much more. I have been stretched to my limits and forced to figure out what is really important in life. Having kids forces me to be active and not just sit back and passively observe. Although I don't really enjoy being a leader, I am responsible for my children and I have to do my best to guide them and be an example for them. Having that responsibility has really helped me to push myself, even if I feel like I'm barely keeping up with them.

"Our parents served faithfully in their most important calling—as parents. Our father led our home in righteousness, never with anger or fear. And the powerful example of our father was magnified by the tender counsel of our mother. The gospel is a powerful influence in the life of every one of us in the Packer family and to the next generation and the next generation and the next, as far as we have seen."

I also enjoyed Pres. Packer's thoughts on the importance of the family. He mentions that his parents did not have prominent callings in the church and his father might even be considered less active. But his parents lived the gospel at home. What happens at home is more important than what happens at church or anywhere else.

Mosiah 26:30

"Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me."

I have this marked in my scriptures with a little heart next to it. The Lord loves us so much, that he will always forgive us when we repent, no matter how many times we repeat the same mistakes. I am amazed and grateful that the Lord can be so patient with me.

However, I need to remember to follow the Lord's example. The next verse reminds us that we must forgive others. I need to be as quick as the Lord to forgive. I need to pray so that I can have this unconditional love for others. (Moroni 7:48)